All Play and No Work...

"Play is to early childhood as gas is to a car," say Roberta Michnick Golinkoff and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek authors of Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn--and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less.

The Strong Museum of Play in Rochester, New York provides the perfect setting to test their theory. It worked - not only Kari but for his mom and dad as well. "Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.”-Stuart Brown, M.D., Contemporary American psychiatrist.

Take it from me, you want to take your kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews (go by yourself if you have to) to the National Museum of Play. They say it is the only collections-based museum in the world devoted solely to play!

The museum offers:

• Engaging, hands-on exhibits
• The National Toy Hall of Fame
• Fun-filled educational programs
• Gift shops, and a food court
• A working carousel from 1918 and the Strong Express passenger train
• Upstate New York’s only year-round, indoor butterfly garden
• A Preschool
• A circulating library
• Teacher development opportunities

After paying for our tickets, Kari discovered that a "Chew Chew Train" was available. So, for the entire time, his sole interest was in riding the train. Luckily for me, we had to pass a number of exhibits and fascinating places such as Sesame Street, a super hero hall of fame, and a dancing video game (which we played) before we got to the 'train station'. The train ride itself was very short (less than 5 minutes). You go around a track about five times. At the end of the ride, Kari would not move. I believe he was in shock at the brevity of experience. He was actually about to cry so I promised to take him back before we left (which I did).

Another hit with Kari was the Kids' Supermarket. The Kids' Supermarket is nice replica of a real supermarket but with fake products. It is a nice way to prepare your 4 year-old for when he has to go shopping on his own because mommy and daddy just doesn't feel like it. At the Kids' Supermarket, he selected his cart, visited the different sections (such as meats, fruits & vegetables, and diary), and went to the cashier (on this day, his Auntie was the cashier) to pay for his goods. We all had fun.

I was very tired (probably not accustomed to so much playtime) and so it was me who decided that our time playing must come to end. And so we (at least my wife and I) re-entered the real world where work takes precedence and even tries to restrict play. Tisk...Tisk.

Anyway, the National Museum of Play is an exciting, hands-on, and fun place to play and enjoy some quality family time (see video below).

Taking Pear Drop Home

The following was submitted to Kari's school as his account of taking care of the school's mascot overnight

The little green guy peered nervously from his 'translocation' machine. He had no idea where we were taking him or what to expect. Only Kari’s presence prevented him from screaming for his mother, the one some of the kids call ‘Miss Barbie’.

He relaxed a bit after Kari excitedly introduced him to his mommy and daddy.

“Who is your friend,” Kari’s daddy asked.

Kari responded, “Ear Aap,” (meaning Pear Drop).

“Is he coming home with us,” Kari’s mommy and daddy asked.

“Yeah,” Kari answered.

And so we set out for home with an extra passenger clinging to Dakari for comfort or safety.

When we got home, ‘Ear Aap’ was immediately introduced to Scurry, Kari’s pet guinea pig who refuses to live up to its name (Kari feeds him too much so we are considering renaming him to Gluttonous).

Following the introductions, ‘Ear Aap’ was led to the dining table for rice ‘n’ peas and fried fish ‘provided’ by daddy. ‘Ear Aap’ was fed two spoons full by Kari and daddy before deciding he was full (I hoped Scurry learned something). Kari showed him how a real big boy eats his supper.

After supper, Kari went for his bath while ‘Ear Aap’ played with some of his toys. Kari usually decides who he wants to bathe him and this time he chose daddy – a real honor (mommy and daddy both get their fair share of selection).

Following his bath, Kari introduced ‘Ear Aap’ to his ‘bestest’ friend, Curious George. They both spent the next 30 minutes watching two episodes of Curious George. The first was about George as a pirate and the second featured George on a camping trip. ‘Ear Aap’ loved them both and wanted to see more but Kari reluctantly told him it was time for bed.

As is customary, Kari chose two books for bedtime and was kind enough to allow ‘Ear Aap’ to chose one for himself. Kari selected Dear God, Do You Need My Help? and Dear God, Is There Anything Too Big For You? ‘Ear Aap’ chose Babar and the Christmas House (we thought it was a little early for that book but read it anyway). They enjoyed their stories and everyone including ‘Ear Aap’ got a chance to pray. Kari and ‘Ear Aap’ prayed for all the boys and girls in their class and for ‘Miss Barbie’ aka Teacher Morbey and Teacher Bean. ‘Ear Aap’ was privileged enough to earn a spot on Kari’s bed taking the place of Big George, Small George, and Baby George. ‘Ear Aap’ must be very special. Mommy and daddy then tucked everyone in and gave them goodnight kisses (I refused to kiss 'Ear Aap'). “Good night Kari. Good night Pear Drop.”

In the morning, ‘Ear Aap’ woke up in a bed all by himself. You see, Kari wakes up very early each morning and makes his way across to mommy and daddy’s room. After Kari woke up, he and ‘Ear Aap’ selected two books for the morning’s reading. They chose Yesterday I Had the Blues and If You Take a Mouse to School.

After reading, it was time for breakfast. Kari helped ‘Ear Aap’ to some French toast sticks and pediasure. They enjoyed breakfast. Kari then went to brush his teeth and get dressed. ‘Ear Aap’ did not have to because he has no teeth and he wears ‘special’ clothes which doesn’t need changing.

We were sad to see ‘Ear Aap’ go. He was such a well-behaved mascot. We believe Kari has made a friend for his Pre-school life.

Hip...Hippo...Hippotherapy

We have been talking about and planning for this for months now. So when the day finally came for Kari to start Hippotherapy, simply saying we were all very excited is an understatement. I believe Annesa and I were even more excited than Kari. In case you are wondering what Hippotherapy is, it involves finding, taming and riding a hippopotamus.

I hope you didn't just believe that.

Hippotherapy is really a form of physical, occupational and speech therapy in which a therapist uses the movements of a horse to provide carefully graded motor and sensory input for people living with disabilities like Kari (Cerebral Palsy). Hippotherapy has been shown to improve kids' happiness and appreciation of their parents (Disclaimer: only tested in the Saunders family so try on your own kids with caution). Hippotherapy improves muscle tone, balance, posture, coordination, motor development as well as emotional well-being (proven fact).

Kari now does Hippotherapy once weekly and always looks forward to riding 'Dusty'. We go for his session when his school is about to have nap time (I'm advocating for these at work). One day, I was running a little late (got caught up at work) and his teachers told me he sat on his cot and refused to move or lie down. Whenever his teachers suggested anything to him he got sad and started to cry. When I got there, I found him in the bathroom changing. He wanted to 'pee' but was afraid I would come and leave him so he just sat there and did it on his cot.

Lesson: Never be late...especially for Kari's Hippotherapy.

Enjoy the video!

A Kodak Moment

I went on a business trip recently and decided to take my family along. The trip was to Rochester, New York the home of George Eastman. This was my first time taking my family on a business trip and one of only two times we have ever traveled together for non-medical reasons. I have a work colleague who told me that he always takes his family on business trips lasting for three or more days. I decided this was a good practice to adopt. I really love having my family around plus this practice can keep me out of trouble (shun the very appearance of evil type of thing).

Anyway, while in Rochester, we got the opportunity to visit the George Eastman House which was about 10 minutes from where we were staying. My wife and I really enjoy taking Kari to museums (though he doesn't always like it). I honestly did not know a thing about George Eastman so I was glad for the opportunity. I vaguely recall watching something on Sesame Street once (with Kari). In case you are in the position I once was, visit here. One of the interesting things we learned was that the camera was as big as a microwave oven. It needed a tent for spreading photographic emulsion on glass plates before exposing them, and develop the exposed plates before they dried out. There were chemicals, glass tanks, a heavy plate holder, and a jug of water (I don't have a clue what that all means but it is interesting).

There is a children's exploration room at the museum and of course it was Kari's favorite spot. He learned to make a photo and 'watch cartoons' the old fashioned way.

I will leave you with one of Eastman's philosophies, "What we do during our working hours determines what we have; what we do in our leisure hours determines what we are."

Activity # 29 - Children's Choir Practice

I have written previously about Kari's insatiable love for music. There are some songs he loves more than others because of the beat and lyrics. He never fails to recognize and sing along those favorites such as God Will Make a Way, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, If I Had the Wings of an Eagle (reggae version), and a few others. His mom and I do our best to expose him to things he shows an interest in and right now that's music. So we have enrolled in our church's children's choir. Currently, he is the younger, smallest, and loudest member. It is fun watching him perform with the other kids. He continues to make me very proud.

Enjoy the video.

Ank you, Da-ye

This morning I had the most interesting conversation with Kari. On our way to dropping him off at school, he saw a truck with some guys sitting in the back. He wanted to know why they were sitting in the back of the truck. Not wanting to tell him I didn't know (fathers know everything), I said:

Me: "They are going to work."

Kari: "Why da-ye (daddy)?"

Me: Wondering how to get out of this trap I just laid for myself. "Well...just the way Mommy goes to work and Daddy goes to work, they are also going to work. But Kari goes to school" Feeling proud of my answer and believing that was the end of that morning's 'Why Interrogation', I smiled and sighed with relief.

And then...

Kari: "Why da-ye?"

Me: "Why what son?" I decided to inquire further. "Why do you go to school?"

Kari: "No." Now he starts using various forms of gestures which his mommy and I are mastering, "Why (pointed at me) work da-ye?" In other words, why do you work daddy?

Me: Stunned. And like Michael Jackson, Speechless. To buy time I said, "Good question son. Very good question." I look at the rearview mirror to check if he is still interested in the conversation and to my disappointment, his gaze is dead set on me. "Well son...Daddy works to get money to take care of Kari." Aha! Not bad. I felt proud of myself. However, nothing could have prepared me for my little's boy's response.

He said...

Wait for it...

Here goes...

Kari: "ank you da-ye." In other words, "Thank you daddy."

Me: I looked at my wife. She looks at me. We looked at Kari. We smiled. My hear rate increased. My ears not believing what it just heard. My mind wondering if he understands what he just said. Anyway, I responded, "You're welcome son."

Lesson: Never ever ever ever underestimate your kids' understanding, curiosity, or their ability to soften your heart.

Activity # 28 - Big Boy School

Kari started Pre-School this week. We have been preparing him for this for a few months now so by the time the first day of school arrived, he was pumped. He has been telling everyone that he is "going to big school." We are very proud of him. He embraced this new chapter in his life like a 'big boy'.

When we arrived at school on the first day, we were more than a little scared to see the size of many of the other kids. For a minute, I became scared for Kari. My confidence returned after remembering that he has proven he can handle himself despite his small size and disability.

In school, in addition to his teacher, he has a Para-professional because of his special needs. She seemed great and suited for the role. He quickly warmed up to her allowing us to leave much sooner than anticipated (I thought we would be there until midday but left at around 9).

My son is a big boy - SCARY but exciting. In another year, he will be off to Primary School and I really don't feel ready but realize that I will have to be when the time comes. Until then, we'll just enjoy 'Big Boy School'.

Activity # 27 - Boston Bus Ride

While in Boston for Kari's annual medical check-ups and treatments earlier this year, we decided to use the public transportation system. After spending a great deal of money on taxis for the past three years, we decided (or more like our budget protested) that we had to travel more wisely (and inconveniently at times). We had a speech appointment at Children's Hospital in Waltham at 9:00am and started our journey at 7:15am. Being an early riser, I was cool but Princess was struggling. Anyway, we did manage to get to the bus stop on time.

The system was relatively easy to follow. Our only unpleasant incident was asking a bus driver after we switched buses for confirmation on the route to our final destination. Before I was finished telling him where we were headed, he quickly stated that he cannot help us. Princess felt he was racist and so she was a little uncomfortable on the journey. I just felt he could not help us.

The bus ride turned out to be much longer than I anticipated. Many times I wondered if we were on the right bus. Princess said we were and I accepted that simply because she has better navigation skills than I do (it's pathetic and embarrassing but I live with it). It was a good experience for all of us. It built our confidence for traveling on public transportation in Boston and more importantly, Kari had fun and some well-needed rest.

Activity # 26 - Shoot Em Up

I usually have a great time playing silly games with Kari. Sometimes I am really tired after work and other times not so. But it is always fun just being around him. Kari is mostly always happy and his happiness is quite infectious.

One work/school morning after breakfast Kari asked if we could play with his water guns. I promised him that we would when we get home. Like many parents, I do my very best to keep all my promises and like some parents, I fail a few times. I feel terribly guilty when it happens so I'm doing my best to fulfill any promise I make to him. Kari actually helps because he has such a good memory and will not fail to remind me (in his own way).

After getting home and changing our clothes, he was ready. So I went ahead and filled two water guns with water and prepared for battle. He was waaay too slow for me (as you'll see) and so I took advantage of that and showered him. I did allow him to get me once or twice. In the end, we both had lots of fun. Maybe I did more than him.

Activity # 25 - Water Time

A day after Kari's procedure at Boston Children's Hospital, we took a trip to the nearby park (Kari's request). When we arrived, we saw a lot of kids having a grand time. Some were playing football, sliding in the playground and some were playing in the water sprinklers. At first, the water sprinkler captured Kari's attention but he only wanted to watch and so we did that for a little while before moving on to another activity.

We went on the playground and used the slide for about 30 minutes before his curiosity could no longer be contained. And so, we moved closer and closer to the water sprinkler. Then I began thinking that we weren't really doing anything today and we were close to our apartment so why not satisfy his curiosity. I asked him if he wanted to go in and he said yeah and in we went.

I really had a good time (and so did Kari in case you were wondering). We experienced some unplanned fun time together. It proves that spontaneity is truly the spice or 'wetness' of life.

Activity #24 - Happy Early Birthday to Aaron

August 2, 2010 was an extraordinary day. It was deeply emotional and fun. While on Kari's medical trip in Boston, we met a wonderful family (Rene, Jane and Aaron Le Blanc)at the place we were staying (The Yawkee Family Inn). Their son, Aaron was there because he had a heart surgery. Aaron is 2 years old and was preparing for surgery #3. That knowledge alone was almost too much for me. Aaron is very smart, insightful and delightful. He and Kari became play buddies and did what came naturally to toddlers. Their playtime involves hoarding toys, then sharing toys (after prompts from parents), then hoarding toys, then sharing toys again. The cycle of toddler play.

We learned that Aaron's birthday was August 11 and his surgery was scheduled for August 4 so it was very likely that he would be in the hospital on his birthday. That is not a fun way for a 2 year old to spend his birthday. So Princess, Kari and I decided we would do something special for Aaron and his family. We would make him cupcakes. Very simple. We decided cupcakes because we learned that Aaron loves them (like most other toddlers I know). We asked around and found ingredients for our little venture and got started.

The experience of making the cupcakes was more than I could have hoped for. The Le Blancs joined us and it turned into a two family adventure. We all got to bond and strengthen our relationships with our boys (quality time) and learned to operate a mixer (Rene and I didn't have a clue and so Princess provided some valuable instructions).

Meeting and spending time with the Le Blancs was a pleasant experience and we believe we have formed a new friendship. As Princess says, "for kids, there is no cupcakes without sprinkles." The same way for adults, life is not meaningful without family and friends.

Happy Birthday Aaron!

Activity # 23 - Shabbat Shalom

On Saturday, 31 July 2010, Kari, myself and Curious George worshiped at Temple Israel - a Jewish synagogue in the Longwood Medical Area. We wanted to find somewhere we could worship that was close to where we were staying and found the temple less than 5 minutes walk away. We are Seventh-day Adventists and have our group fellowship on Saturdays and so do Jews so it was only fitting that we joined them for Shabbat.

When we arrived at the temple, a small group was having Torah Study. The rabbi who led out in the study focused on the history of Judaism. It was very informative. After the study, we assembled in a sort of fellowship hall and had Challah or Hallah which is a traditional Jewish bread eaten on Shabbat and Jewish holidays. Kari thoroughly enjoyed it (and so did I). He kept asking for more and I obliged him without any embarrassment. We even took some home for Princess.

This experience was the perfect opportunity to learn about other religions in an intentional way. For me, it's not so much about religion as it is about establishing a relationship with God. I will do my best to encourage Kari to do the same. My goal is to do enough now so that there will always be a generation of Saunders that seek, love and respect God daily.

Activity #22 - Not the Messiah Performance

For our family night last week, we rented and watched Not the Messiah: He's a Very Naughty Boy inspired by Monty Python's Life of Brian. Kari loves music so we thought he would have enjoyed this film. We were spot on. The film captured his attention right from the beginning. There were times when he actually sung along with songs we were all hearing for the first time; he danced; and he conducted the orchestra. Princess and I really admire his appreciation for music. He is enrolled in a music class at his school and the teacher tells us Kari is very involved. Once, I made the mistake of picking him up early from school and he cried the entire afternoon. Later I found out that I deprived him of his music class. I never did it again. If I get there early, I simply wait until he is through.

We have no great expectation or desire for Kari to be a musician. However, right now he loves music and we will continue to expose him to most genres (despite my biases).

Activity #21 - Church Greeters

I serve as a deacon at my church and at times Kari wants to do what I do. For example, I help with the collection of offering and setting up of chairs, tables, etc and he gets excited whenever he's involved. I have not been daring enough to actually allow him to help me with the money collection.

Most recently, I was on deacon duty and I decided that we will dress alike. A deacons attire at my church is black and white with black or red tie. Most of Kari's clothes are colored so it was challenging to find him a black and white outfit that he could fit into but we eventually did. You realize your little superstar is growing when all his pants are now shorts and his shirts makes him look like a kiddie body builder.

One of my deacon responsibilities for that day was to greet church members and guests as they arrive. Kari was excited and decided to help. The experience proved how contagious happiness really is and how kids actually help us to identify and appreciate what really matters. They can help us to temporarily forget the demands of the world and once again focus on love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Activity # 20 - Found and Practiced Our Family Song

Princess and I have been talking about finding a family song to call our own. We were not actively searching but thought about it every once in awhile. About two Sabbaths ago, I went on Youtube to play some Praise and Worship songs while we were getting ready for church. Without even considering it, I simply played the top result. I kid you not, Princess and I watched Kari walked right up to speakers and started singing. The amazing thing about this was that we have never played this song to him before and we are not aware of him learning it at school or church.

We did come to the conclusion that we finally found (actually, Kari found) our family song which we all enjoy.

See Kari's rendition of the song below.

Activity #19 - Watch the Sunrise

Recently, Annesa and I had an amazing experience with Kari. We woke up Kari-early (let clarify that for Annesa 8 a.m. is early and for Dakari and I, 5 a.m. is early). We left the house around 6:30 a.m. and went to the beach/park (John's Smith Bay in Bermuda) to watch the sunrise. For all you fathers and husbands out there, try it! It was an intimate experience. Kari is only 3 and even he enjoyed it. Initially we were a good distance from the shore and Kari asked us to go closer which we did. We spread our towel and he immediately went to work on the sand (building). I'm a very lucky guy and it's a privilege to be fathering Happiness. I love you Princess (sexy mommy) and Kari.


Kari and Mommy watching the sunrise




Daddy's contribution to Kari and Mommy's sand work.

Activity #18 - Organized a Father's Day Breakfast & Scavenger Hunt

There are still strong, positive, real men in Bermuda (and elsewhere). It is for this reason that Kari and I, through my other blog razorsanddiapers.com planned a Father’s Day breakfast and scavenger hunt at the Bermuda Aquarium, Museum & Zoo (BAMZ) on Sunday, 20 June 2010. The event, dubbed Celebrating Fatherhood was for fathers and their children and was extended to the entire Bermuda community.

With the increase in crime and violence in Bermuda, it is very important that we organize and offer events aimed at strengthening families and highlighting the various roles and contributions of (real) men.

The Father’s Day breakfast and scavenger hunt was a celebration of fatherhood. We recognized men for their contribution to family and community, and challenge them to stop watching from the sidelines and as Mahatma Gandhi says, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

The event included a buffet style brunch and featured brief but informative presentations on positive fatherhood/manhood. Fathers got an opportunity to publicly affirm their children and expressed their love and aspirations for them (download One Thing Special form here). The main activity was a scavenger hunt on the BAMZ property. There were a number of give-a-ways for the fathers as well as the children. Kari was a little sad he didn't receive any gifts - I didn't have enough but he got over rather quickly. We both had lots of fun!

About Razors & Diapers
My blog Razors & Diapers is an initiative with the main aim of inspiring, equipping and transforming men into better sons, brothers, fathers, husbands and mentors. The website (www.razorsanddiapers.com) features articles and candid video discussions with individuals (mainly men) who are willing to share their own experiences and give insight on improving man’s contribution to society.

I believe that through motivation and a sense of individual responsibility, men will commit themselves to accepting their roles and following through on a path to REAL manhood with a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Razors & Diapers is an initiative in direct response to the growing number of immoral, unethical and illegal acts being performed by men. The need for change in today’s society is undeniable. Through repeated failures of families and the development of destructive habits, men have lost faith in the possibilities that await them if they are successful in putting their lives together. To accomplish this goal, men must be involved in programs that promote their importance and reinforces their responsibilities to society starting with their own families.

View Photos of Event

Activity # 17 - Make Muffins

Recently, I returned from a business trip and was on the bed getting a little shut eye (had to wake up like 3am that morning to catch a 6am flight) when I was startled by the banging of metal. I opened my eyes to see Kari with a muffin pan calling me and pointing to the kitchen. I really thought I was daydreaming. I couldn't believe he actually wanted to make muffins. While he enjoys preparing meals with us, he and I have never actually baked anything before. He was obviously curious about the muffin pan and I was only interested in sleeping. So what did I do? I did what any father who enjoys his child and wants as little regrets in life as possible would do. I won't tell you it was easy to get out of bed but I'm glad I did. I mentioned in an earlier post that our toddlers do not know or understand when we are tired but they know they want to spend time with mommy and daddy.

It took him about 5 minutes of banging, calling and pointing to get me out of bed. However, we eventually started our baking. I pulled up a chair to the counter for him, got the ingredients and set off on our little adventure. Kari enjoys adding ingredients to dishes. He added a dash of this and that, broke a few eggs (his favorite thing now), and mixed it all up.

We both had fun. As with many activities, after awhile he lost interest so I had to finish up on my own. The muffins turned out pretty good and we all enjoyed it.

Activity # 16 - Ride in Golf Cart

Princess, Kari and I recently went to watch a family member perform in a band. The event was ok. Nothing to really talk or write about except we are proud of our little cousin. At his age (13), we didn't really expect a Beethoven-quality performance or should we?

After the performance, we were making our way to the car when we past a golf cart and Kari's curiosity kicked it. I love it when he is curious especially about things that are not entirely dangerous. His curiosity gives me a chance to explore. Besides, I make it my duty to teach him that anything is possible - all he has to do is (1) Ask - if (the thing is) in control/ownership of another (2) Negotiate/Take - if owner is being difficult (3)Explore/Research - if thing initially seems impossible to attain (4) Create/Invent - if the thing doesn't already exist (5)Enjoy - all that effort should be enjoyed.

Every day I am reminded of the awesome responsibility I have of grooming a future man. A man who is respectful to God, family and all life; contributes in a positive to society; and who makes girls drool.

I appreciate that even a simple golf cart ride can be used to teach life lessons to my son.

Activity # 15 - Kari the Fly Tracker

It's that time of the year again. Flies are everywhere. A few of them got inside our apartment and one Sunday morning we went on a fly hunt...an assassination expedition. During this expedition/hunt, we all had different roles.

Mommy aka The Terminator - She was the killer...the taker of (fly) life. While battering one fly to death she remarked, "these things must have like a 1,000 lives." She enjoyed her role. I did too (as long as her target is always only flies or other nonhuman pest.

Kari aka The Tracker - Kari spotted flies a mile away. I'm serious. He is very good. Each time a fly thinks it has escaped, we asked Kari for its position and he simply scans the room for a few seconds and then points and shout (good thing flies don't understand 'Karish' so they usually stay put despite being discovered).

Daddy aka The General aka Videographer -I gave the orders to kill...kill...kill and then I record the killings.

With our efforts and special abilities combined we were able to kill one fly (it was huge so it counts as 10 at least). It was fun.

Activity # 15 - Wa Plee Plee

Princess and I are so excited. For the past week (maybe two or three), Kari has been consistently saying "Wa Plee Plee" translation "Want Pee Pee". We are not only excited because we understand clearly what he wants, but also because he lets us know he wants to use the potty. I wouldn't go as far as to say he is completely potty trained but I believe he is close. Progress I say, progress.

We tried so many different things to get him potty trained and was only met with failure. The last thing we tried was a book - Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day by Teri Crane. That was a little ridiculous now that I think about it but I was DESPERATE. Pull-ups are not cheap.

These days, we notice he actually cries if he sits on the potty and nothing comes out. He just points at his penis, complains (not really sure what he is complaining about - maybe something along the lines of, "mommy, daddy, this thing (penis) is not working...make it work...wouaaa wouaaa wu wu wouaaaaaaaaa." and starts crying.

We are really proud of him and his progress and he knows it. Whenever he does something in the potty, he just looks at us, smiles and says "Ari ig oye" translation "Kari big boy". We love it!

Fathering Happiness makes me so proud.

Activity # 14 - Cleaning Scurry's Cage

Today, Kari and I cleaned Scurry's cage. Scurry is Kari's guinea pig which he chose from the pet store almost a year ago. Scurry is so named because of how active he was initially after we took him home. He would not allow us to catch him - he scurried away. Unfortunately, his scurrying didn't last too long. He is now a fat, lazy, greedy, slow, and noisy (whenever we open the fridge) guinea pig. We do cherish him anyway.

It is our custom to clean Scurry's cage every other day. However, this past weekend we failed to do so because we ran out of sawdust and Monday was a public holiday in Bermuda. Needless to say, Scurry and his cage was a complete mess. Actually, he stunk! So we visited the pet store on Tuesday and Kari and I set about cleaning Scurry and his cage. It was tough. A task that usually takes us somewhere between 15 & 20 minutes to complete took 1 hour.

Kari always has fun cleaning Scurry's cage and feeding him. He wants to do everything. He seems to be preparing himself for the next season (or generation) of Dirty Jobs. Actually, he would give Mike Rowe a run for his money (or mess). He is the best helper and great to have around. Thank you Happiness!

A Proud Daddy

On 19 May 2010, Princess (sexy wife) and I attended a transition meeting at Kari's new school. The meeting was setup to meet his new teacher, principal, therapists (speech, physio, and occupational) and to discuss his needs. Princess and I were very impressed with the extent the Bermuda Ministry of Education is willing to go to ensure he has all he requires for school such as special desk and chair, railings which will have to be constructed, and possibly special swing for the playground.

I am a bit of a softy when it concerns Kari and so I get very emotional when I hear others talk about him. During the meeting, each of his current therapists gave a report on his progress and their overall experience with him. There was a common theme. Dakari is very determined. He is also very smart and intelligent. He can be moody at times (I used to be like that years ago so I don't mind that too much) but for the most part he will cooperate. He is very jovial and loves to have fun.

Kari is definitely the joy of my heart. He makes me so happy and so very proud. I won't go as far as to say he will always make me proud because some kids do have a tendency to take a sabbatical from reality (not sure if special needs kids are immune to this state of mind). God blessed me the day he entered my life. Princess and I have a habit of celebrating all his achievements no matter how small. For example, right now he is having his speech therapy session and his therapist asked him to say 'more'. His 'more' came out something like 'ooooreee' and we instantly started celebrating(see video below) . You see, for Kari that's a huge achievement and we can't help but being proud of him.

Back to the meeting. After the meeting, I realized I no longer have a lot of fears about Kari's future because it is obvious he will excel at whatever he does. His determination to succeed will be something the world will appreciate. I truly look forward to the man he will become.

Activity # 13 - Kari the Aardvark

Kari and I recently realized how much fun it is vacuuming ants. Yep...a-n-t-s. We experienced an invasion over the weekend and I pretty much battled them on my own. I did receive assistance from Kari in collecting and disposing of the bodies. To perform this task, Kari employ the services of our vacuum. He had so much fun and so did I. As in most cases following a battle, we discovered survivors and dealt with them as we did their comrades (see video below).

I am always amazed at how helpful Kari is. He wants to get involved in everything we do. In fact, if we should ever do the dishes without him, he would get very upset. Sometimes we quietly do the dishes without his knowledge when we are rushing. Kari enjoys accompanying me to the laundromat. He helps with folding and packing away of the clothes. He also loves to cook.

My wife and I are quite confused about whose genes is responsible for Kari's strong desire to assist. We concluded that its all Kari and he is actually changing the Saunders Family Tree. While we both did our fair share of chores growing up, we certainly did not have as much fun as Kari is experiencing now. We actually think he is weird. Who fights and cries to do housework? We are very proud of him anyway.

I am definitely enjoying fathering Happiness

The Candy Theory

Princess (wife) and I were driving to get our goddaughter one Saturday so she could spend the day with us. We have her every other weekend (unfortunately, an arrangement too many men can relate to with their own kids). I must say it is absolutely great being a godfather plus our goddaughter is fun (very talkative and hyperactive but fun). She is like the daughter we never had (though we are trying to adopt and praying about it this month). Kari absolutely adores her. They fight quite often but they love each other. I was an only child for close to 19 years so I take Princess' advice on these matters. Fighting is one of the ways siblings express their love and affection for each other. Weird.

Anyways, on our way to get her we started talking about Kari (the trip is usually a 30-minute journey each way so it gives us some quality time). The conversation was centered around allowing Kari to have candy. My stance is no candy. Period. Princess objects. Hence, the birth of the Candy Theory.

The Candy Theory, developed by Princess holds that: If we persistently say no to allowing Kari to have candy, it will become more desirable. Therefore, the number of 'no's' is directly proportional to desirability. The opposite is also true. Therefore, if we chose a few candies that are 'healthy' and indulge him a few times per month (I agreed to 4 though Princess prefers as many times per week), candy will become less desirable.

This theory is still in its infancy and does not address all desires. For example, when Kari hits his teen years and become interested in the opposite sex the Candy Theory WILL NOT work. This is an Open Source theory so we welcome your input.

Fathering Happiness

Tribute to my Mom

I thought about waiting until Mother’s Day (its here now) to actually share this tribute with the rest of the world. However, since tomorrow is guaranteed to no one, I am doing it now.

On 5 March 2010, I paid a surprise visit to my mom. I had not seen her since 14 April 2007 (story for another time). In 2007, she met her grandson for the very first time. He was six months old. Needless to say, this trip was a BIG deal. HUGE. I had one goal in mind. I was going to change our life and the course of our relationship forever.

This trip came about after reading Letters From Dad by Greg Vaughn and deciding to write a letter of blessing to my mom. Writing this letter was one of the best things I have ever done. After completing the letter, I was prepared to mail it to her but really hoped for a better way to present such a special gift to my mother. Like divine providence, that same week, I found out my mom would be traveling to visit her sister in New Jersey the following weekend (26 February 2010). A mere 2 hours and $300 away. The only problem was that I was broke and could not find that money. Despite this significant fact, I decided that I could not visit my mom without taking her only grandchild to see her. I then got to thinking, why would I leave my wife behind? All three of us should take this trip and surprise her. I called my aunt and made her aware of my plans. I told her all three of us will be there and to keep it a secret. Since that was all taken care of, it was time to work on finding not $300 any more but $900+.

I knew I had only one way of getting this money and that was through God (no offense to any atheist reading this post). I requested that if He sees this as a worthy thing to do that He provides the money on a specific day (Tuesday of the following week). Two things happened on that day. A very good friend and mentor offered to pay for all three of us to go. I also spoke with my mom who shared that she will not be visiting her sister until the following week. Everything worked out perfectly because the weather was terrible that weekend. The Bible (Romans 8:28) says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

My mom, of course was completely surprised when she saw us. She confirmed that it was only because of her strong heart why she didn’t faint or worst. We all had a great weekend together. One that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Letter to Mom

My Dear Mother,

Never in my life have I met a woman like you. For the twenty-six years I have known you, you have never failed to amaze me. I admire you so much for the type of person you are. You are a fighter. You are determination. You are love. You are patient. You are kind. You are faithful. You are someone your son strives to be more like every day.

I am pleased for the new direction our relationship has taken. Continue Reading...

Again, Daddy

Kari enjoys books. He especially enjoys being read to. Annesa and I (like many other parents out there) have proven that if you introduce books to kids very early they will grow up to love books. So even though Kari is only 4 years-old (in September), he loves books and we hope that will never change.

Curious George (CG) is his favorite TV show. He will not give up watching CG for anything...except books. Recently, he asked me to stop CG (DVD) and read him a book (Wait! I Want to Tell You a Story by Tom Williams). I was very tired but decided it was worth it anyway. This book is one of his favorites and pretty short. Of course, I did my best to stretch the story by adding special effects and animations. At the end of the story, he took the book, turned to the beginning and gave it back to me. I confirmed that he actually wanted me to read the book again. At the end of the second reading, he did the same thing. This was repeated two times until my throat began to hurt. All that shouting and voice changing had its effects after awhile.

Lesson learned

Kids have no idea when you are tired and I doubt they even understand the concept. They do know what they want and actually wants us to be a part of that (sometimes). My advice to you is do not miss out despite how tired you are or how you feel. I once read that kids may forget what you say, they may forget what you do, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Make your child feel valued and worth-your-time EVERYDAY. I don't know about your child, but this makes Kari very happy.

Activity # 12 - Letter From Dad to Kari

I recently read 'Letters From Dad' (given to me by a great friend) which is an amazing book written by Greg Vaughn. This book inspired me to write letters to my family and I have decided to share with you the letter I wrote to Kari. The idea was to leave something written to him personally that he can reflect on when he gets older (and after I die)...something that lets him know he was the treasure of my life. I mean, how many of you have a written letter from your father addressed to you? I don't. I would love if someone should ask Kari that question in 5, 10, or 15 years from now, he can proudly declare...I DO!

Writing this letter was very emotional for me. While writing, I was thinking "what would I say to Kari if I know I was going to die today." Thinking or even writing about death is not the most exciting and comfortable thing to do. It was even more difficult thinking about not being around to enjoy my son, grandkids, great grandkids, great great grandkids...you get the picture.

I encourage ALL men, particularly fathers to try this. As fathers, we have an awesome responsibility to our kids and even generations to come (especially if you believe God and what He says in the Bible).

Here goes...

Dear Dakari,

The box that contained this letter is a gift to you to hold special gifts and letters from the people who love you. In the coming months and hopefully years, I want to write down in words what is in my heart and also pass along some fatherly advice in what I’m calling “Fathering Happiness”. My prayer is that these letters will be kept in this box and be of value to you someday, and that you in turn will do this for your future children. I know this can be a challenging task as the practice of letter-writing has already began to vanish in my generation. People now use Facebook, email, text messages, Twitter, Blogspot/Wordpress or YouTube to send messages. So I realize by the time your kids come around, writing may be replaced by some other form of 'lazy' communication.

I want you to know that God has been good to you and your mom and dad. He has blessed us tremendously and continuously. Always trust Him.

I want to close this letter with some fatherly advice and my blessings to you. Never give up! Especially when what you are aiming for seems impossible to achieve. I have learned from running that the minute you overcome that urge to give up, the journey becomes easier. Your focus will shift from how difficult this is to how amazing it will be to complete the challenge. Keep laughing. Son, you are by far the happiest person I have ever known. You are so radiant, so full of life and confidence and you pass on that spirit onto everyone who is lucky enough to interact with you. That is one of the things that pull people towards you. Do not let anyone steal your joy. If you haven’t yet, find a lasting source of happiness. For me, that was the fact that you and your mom survived September 15, 2006. Always Strive for Excellence. I do not know where life will take you or what profession you will be in. However, whatever you do, make sure you do it to the best of your abilities. Excel at whatever you do. Never judge or determine your own efforts based on what others around you are doing. You know your own potential and the power you possess to succeed. Let that be your motivation. Be Honest. Never feel pressured to lie or do what is wrong to please anyone or to get ahead. Being a man of integrity will take you a long way. People will trust you and you will sleep better at nights. Believe God. As mentioned earlier, God has blessed your father all the days of his life. He blessed me with your mommy and with you – the greatest blessings ever. Believe in God and you shall not be disappointed. That is daddy’s commandment to you.

My Prayer For You…

Great God who owns the universe, I put my son, Dakari Akili in your hands. He means more to you than he does me and he means everything to me. Lord, I ask that you bless my little boy, my only begotten son. Bless him with wisdom, knowledge and understand. Make whatever he does (in Your name) be a blessing unto others. Provide for him all the days of his life. May he want for nothing. Provide for him a God-fearing wife – a virtuous woman. God bless his kids, his grandkids and all the generations to follow. May there always be a generation of Saunders that seek after your face daily and do what is right in your sight. May he strive to make heaven his home. Thank you for his life and continue to watch over him and protect him from all harm and danger.

In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen